Fall

I've been debating heavily on whether or not I wanted to post this. But I promised myself and you that if I was going to start this blog, I wasn't going to hold back-so staying true to that-here I go...

It started Halloween Night-I had a few fun sized candies... No biggie...

Well, now its kind of a biggie seeing as 1 always leads to more and I'm not just referring to candy.

I have gained 7-10 lbs.

I'm not proud of this at all and quite disappointed in myself.

Halloween night I had some candy, some chips and brownies-told myself it was just that night (after all, it is Halloween!) Not soo much. The past month I have been making several of those "just one time" bites. And even occasionally found myself binging (not on good food). I was craving chips and salsa one night-not horrible right? Sure chips are carbs, but is this one night of chips and salsa going to make me fat? Not likely... So I go to Meijer and get chips and salsa. I somehow end up in the ice cream isle. I carefully pick out my "treat". A box of weight watchers mini (like 3 bite and its gone mini) ice cream sandwiches-8 in the box (which realistically is like 3 full size ones). Well not only do I eat most of the chips in the bag with salsa. I decide to binge on 6 of the 8 mini ice cream sandwiches. I HATED myself after leading myself to tears...

You'd think that would be enough to stop this from happening again right?



WRONG


The next day I had a craving for Pizza (Jets Pizza). I order it (a small pizza and small order of bread) and eat most of it and again-cry it out, beating myself up over it...

Then Thanksgiving comes-and I'm sure we allll know how that ends. I did tell myself that after Thanksgiving was gone-I was back to normal routine...

I cant understand why I'm doing this. I've worked sooo hard and wanting to lose more weight... Why am I self destructing again? This isn't me-this is the old Vit-the Vit I don't like or want to be...

There has been a lot going on this past month... I haven't been at the gym like I normally am because I've got a 2nd job, the Holidays are emotionally stressful, I found out I needed to move by the end of Nov. so that was stressful in itself. So with stress and lack of gym and everything in between I have a million excuses. But guess what? I can't use any of them because I've lost 136 and know the difference between whats good for me and whats bad. Does it suck that I've gained 7-10 pounds? Absolutely. I feel fat as heck and don't feel good about myself at all. But I have to take it as another learning experience through this whole journey. Let me tell you... They don't call it a journey for nothing!

Bottom line is-no one is perfect and more than likely if your trying to lose weight you will fall off track and may gain a few pounds. That sentence is not meant to be negative. But take those "falls" and turn them into a learning experience and come out of it even stronger :-)

Content?

When I was 338 pounds and the idea of weight loss was in my head. I was content with getting to around 260 pounds...

Content?

Not so much...

I am now 205 pounds! Yes! A few more pounds and I will officially be out of the 200's. I made it out of the 300's and am ALMOST out of the 200's. I'm soo excited and honestly-proud of myself for the 1st time.

Since I'm just me-living day to day losing a pound here and there I don't quite always comprehend that I've lost 133 pounds and just how much that really is. It takes people like you, like my friends to put me in reality and get me to see "Wow, 133 pounds is ALOT". I'm proud to say I did it without diet pills and without surgery. Just hard work, eating right and exercising. I have a story for every pound lost. I'm not done with my journey but when I am, I will be able to say "I DID IT". I can not and will never discredit some key people in my life who have been there with me through it all-support, laughs, tears, questions, teaching, learning, sharing and the list goes on. I've had some of the best support around and that can not be traded for anything.

I look back through the 133 pounds I've lost-not only have I shed the pounds, but I've gained sooo much personal growth. I truly can say I am in love with my life and have never been happier. :-)

                                          338 lbs                                                      205 lbs

Also-I fly out to Texas tonight for the Juice Plus+ Conference! If you haven't heard of Juice Plus+ by now-check it out! Cant wait to tell you all about the conference!

 www.getfitwithvitjuiceplus.com

www.facebook.com/getfitwithvit

 

 

vegurski@yahoo.com

Sugar and Spinach!

Its been such a long time!!! Life for me has been extremely busy lately. First off-I want to thank everyone for all the positive-ness. It really is overwhelming and truly is motivation! I'm still getting used to people asking me questions about Health and Nutrition and asking for my help in their journey. I can honestly say though-that one of my favorite things about the weight loss has been being able to help other people. One of my biggest passions in life is health and nutrition and feel like everyone needs to be educated on it!

Okay-That aside... Lets talk about Sugar! Sugar and I have an interesting relationship! (As I'm sure many others do as well!) I LOVE IT! Now, that being said-my only source of sugars come from mainly fruits. I've been really cutting down on the fruits. I still have my strawberries and blueberries in the morning for a snack but other than that I TRY NOT to really do any other fruits. The last 2 weeks I'd say-I've really cut back on the fruits and have been focusing mostly on veggies. I've been snacking on cucumbers, carrots, kale, and my fav-sugar snap peas (eating them right now!) I'm not saying fruit is bad and I'd much rather you chose fruit over breads/carbs. BUT it still contains sugars!

I've also been putting spinach in almost everything! Anywhere I can add spinach-I add it. My Turkey burgers are now green from the excessive amount of Spinach I put in them as well as my eggs. I scramble spinach into them as well! Anywhere I can throw in extra veggies-I'm allll in!

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I've also become a distributor for a company called Juice Plus+. If you've never heard of it I highly suggest checking it out. Its a product I HIGHLY recommend. Its a capsule containing phytonutrients from 17 different fruits and veggies. Its ALL natural and whole food based!

www.getfitwithvitjuiceplus.com

I'm having a Juice Plus+ Party this Sunday at 4. Also Oct. 19th (Friday) around 5 or 5:30 if your interested in checking it out beyond the website! My Doctor will be there as well to answer any questions I can not. (Email me for directions and more info)

vegurski@yahoo.com

Along with the blog I have a facebook "page" www.facebook.com/getfitwithvit Please "LIKE" the page and share if you can!!!

Back in Business!!!!

Its been a while! My computer was in repair and I finally have it back!!! So stay tuned for regular posts again! I'm exhausted after my workout tonight. But just wanted to get a quick post in...

Saturday Oct. 6th at 1:30 I am having a Juice Plus/Wellness Party.

All are invited and friends are welcome!

Location:

Email me for directions

 

 

Check it out and if your interested in coming, let me know!!!
(email me at vegurski@gmail.com and I'll get you more information if needed!)

 

www.getfitwithvitjuiceplus.com

 

 

Current Weight: 213

Current Weight Loss: 125 LBS!

Excuses

I hurt my back (I'm A-Okay now!) and was not able to work out for a week. Back when I was in School I would to find ANY excuse to get out of gym class... And I mean ANY EXCUSE. I can honestly say, not being able to work out was depressing and sad but it made me realize how much I LOVE to work out. I feel great after every workout. It's like I've become addicted to it! Beats drugs right?! lol
I was sooo excited to be cleared to get back to working out. I MISSSSED it! Although being off for a week gave me some time to think...
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Working out allows me to prove myself wrong. I still quite frequently think of the days in the beginning of this weight loss journey where I was "No way in hell going to work out." I was SCARED to go to a gym being so big, SCARED to try new things being so big. Which may sound strange because I really did want to lose weight... Being sooo over weight made me uncomfortable in almost every area in my life. I'm glad I had people in my life to push me. People who believed in me-and honestly-people who didn't believe in me.

I wasn't completely comfortable at the gym once I finally got there. It took me a while. I still have my scared moments, not going to lie... But I have proven to myself that I can do ANYTHING. Every time I've said "I can't" and was pushed to do it anyway, I've been able to do it. May not have been easy, may have hurt like hell, may have felt like I was going to pass out, may have not done it again since trying it! lol But I DID it non the less.

I still have people who don't believe in me and doubt me and for a long time it felt great to prove them wrong, and still does. But nothing is better than proving myself to me. I have a whole new confidence level and respect for myself... and that to me is priceless. My main motivation at the gym is ME, the haters are just extra motivation ;-) There is nothing better than setting up a challenge for yourself (big or small) and accomplishing it!

I said all that to say. Stop finding excuses and just do something. If you honestly want it bad enough you'll stop the excuses. People ask for my help all the time but aren't willing to give up their favorite foods or to become active... Wishing and hoping does NOT work in the world of weight loss. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Prove to yourself that your stronger and better than you even know! I don't know one person who has ever regret working out or losing weight. Think about it :-)

PS-I've heard, said and used every excuse known to man... so if your gonna use an excuse on me... Save it :-)

Do it for YOU.

Just some motivation for the day :-)

My doctor gave me a goal to lose 10 pounds by the end of summer (Sept. 21st)

I've lost 9 pounds this past month (7/12-8/12)!!!

No one can tell me (or YOU) eating right and working out doesn't pay off, because I'm living proof that it does!

Original weight: 338

Current weight: 225

Pounds lost: 113

Update :-)

My computer is STILL being fixed. So that's why I haven't been posting like I would like.

I've really been stepping up my workout game... Been trying to go 5-6 days a week for 2-3 hours a day. And when I cant make it. I make sure I do SOMETHING active. I NEVER thought I'd enjoy working out as much as I do. I have my days, as we all do-but I always feel GOOD after a workout.

I've also started running. Now, its a slow run, but none the less, its a run. Its definitely a killer for me. But I LOVE it! Love how I feel afterward. My breathing completely sucks and I literally sound like I'm dying and continuously gasping for my last breath. Everyone is telling me it will improve over time-so we'll see... But I've been able to do a mile without stopping or jogging. The other day I was able to run a half mile-stopped for a little, ran another mile-took a little break and then went for a final mile. Making it 2.5 miles. Felt great afterward! I was NEVER able to run before being soo big, so it really does feel good to do 1 more thing I wasn't able to do before.

I've also been trying to add in more strength training at the gym as opposed to mostly cardio-per the doctors instructions. So we'll see how that goes. I noticed I'm not losing as much-pound wise (because of muscle) but feel thinner. I base a lot on numbers so it can get discouraging at times.

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This past weekend I had to run some errands so I decided to try on some clothes to see what sizes I could/would fit into. I tried on a pair of jeans. Now mind you-I've only been able to buy jeans from torrid (a plus size store). I've NEVER been able to fit into department store jeans. WELL-I tried on a pair from target-and they fit! I was super excited. No more over priced plus size store jeans! It feels sooo good to be able to have more clothing options!

Here's an extra pic from my cousins wedding a couple weekends ago!

I LOVE getting questions and comments from everyone soo please don't hesitate!

vegurski@gmail.com

Friends (?)

Lets talk about Friends... And I use that term loosly. Its apparent that losing weight takes time and EFFORT. The last year and a half I've taken a considerable amount of time to focus on me... Some get that, some dont. I dont eat out so its very hard to turn down "girls nights" out to eat or at someone's house. I was in a position before where I knew I wasnt strong enough to hold back the urge of eating what I knew I shouldnt. So I'd go, and eat whatever-saying it was a one time thing, and then it would lead to a little down fall. I'd feel horrible, but yet still did it? Try to figure that one out! So to avoid this-I removed myself from those situations, whether it was going out to eat or simply just to visit someone. I wasnt confortable explaining to them why I couldnt go. So I'd usually just say I was busy-which in al honesty-I probably was...

I've also dedicated a lot of time to working out. Working full time and trying to fit in life, along with working out-its a VERY time consuming thing. I know I've probably hurt some people with my absence, and I truly am sorry for that. But please know none of it was intentional. I cant be the best to anyone if I'm not the best for myself.

I never realized how many people I'd lose while on this journey (not all because of me). I've definietely learned who some of my REAL friends are and some who arent-and honestly-still learning and weeding that out. As hard as it is to lose some people that I TRULY do LOVE and CARE about-I dont regret a thing I'm doing for myself. I'm the happiest I've ever been and I truly love being healthy and working out.

I really do have some genuine caring people in my life that I am MORE than blessed to have. Just wanted to thank the people who have been more than supportive and for the people who have still stuck around even though I've been soo distant/busy.

I'm trying to find a balance between work/working out/life/friends, and honestly-its hard. Theres days/weeks where I truly feel overwhelmed with learning how to balance all this. I never realized how much the weight loss journey would change sooo any aspects of my life. But I can honestly say-I love life :-)

Sorry I havent been posting as much (my computer is in repair-hopefully I'll have it back soon)!

Grocery List

I know I said I was going to post this a while back... But here it is...

My grocery list:

• Strawberries
• Blueberries
• Bananas
• Asparagus
• Carrots
• Cucumber
• Sugar Snap Peas
• Green Beans
• Ground Turkey (organic/natural)
• Chicken (organic)
• Frozen Sweet Potatoes Fries by Alexia (I will sometimes by sweet potatoes and make my own, but frozen is faster this is faster)
• Eggs (Organic)
• Almonds
• Macadamia Nuts
• Mustard (My ONLY condiment)
• Pepper
• Sea Salt
• Spices (Mrs. Dash)
• Olive Oil

I try to cut out a lot of fruit because of all the sugar/carbs and whenever there is the option of fruit vs. vegetable. I USUALLY choose the vegetable. 

current weight: 231

I've also noticed I have a lot of readers in other countries, especially Russia, and would love to hear from you guys... and people I know as well... 

vegurski@gmail.com

Also-Thank you to Pastor Lori for letting me use your computer while mine is in repair!

Is this real?

If you would have told me a year/year and a half ago that I'd be at the gym, working out, hanging out, some of my closest friends being "gym friends", and that I'd have lost over 100 pounds. I would have probably thought you were on drugs. But-here I am today. Loving going to the gym and as of today 104 pounds thinner. 

Lets  talk about today's workout:

15 minutes of free weights

1 hour Zumba with Paul (Thanks Paul!!!)

1 hour Strictly Strength class

THEN

I found a track by my house and did a half jog/half walk. I'd give my self "points". Jog from Red trash can to other red trash can, walk.... repeat. I've NEVER been able to jog in my life, for more than a second or two. 

I feel sooo accomplished... Not to mention sweaty as heck! 

Haha-here's a horrible pic!

And dinner for tonight:

Cucumber and carrots-I also had a protein shake before I left the gym.

All in all-I had a great workout day, and totally ready for bed!!!

Check up

I had my check up with my doctor today after 4 months. I know I've mentioned before how much I love her. But she honestly is the best. I LOVE going to see her! Its a great feeling to know that a doctor can be that proud of you. This woman is seriously the most genuine doctor ever. She's not just there to tell you what to do and tell you what your doing wrong. She's truly invested and truly cares. I left the doctor today feeling on top :-) 

She always gives me little quotes that stick and I live by them... The biggest one being "Nothing tastes as good, as being thin feels." (Hence the page heading.) Well today I was talking to her about how hard it is to be around people and eating and what not. Everyone has different opinions on whats healthy what I should  be eating, etc. I always tell them and myself "I cant eat that." Instead she said to say (or think) "I can eat it, I just choose not to." Hopefully this approach will give me a more empowering mind set-one that says-I'm in control. I also brought up a few other things I wasn't liking about the weight loss (excess skin is a big one). She then redirected my attention and made me list what I enjoy about losing weight:

• Increased energy
• My body feels better
• I do like my body despite the extra skin (I'd rather have it this way than be fat)
• I can "play" with the kids
• My clothing choices are expanding
• I can wear "normal" people bangles (bracelets)
• My knees and ankle (broke my ankle) don't hurt
• I feel GOOD having control over my life
• I enjoy educating myself on health and the science behind it
• The compliments from people never hurt :-)
• I can run
• Losing weight has made me motivated to try new things in life (like maybe school?)
• I'm more confident
• I'm healthy
• I enjoy working out
• My personality is different. I used to try to keep quiet and hide behind the fat me (we all know this is totally not the case anymore!)
• I feel the need to help other overweight people
• I have a neck
• I can feel my bones!

Its very easy to focus on negative things (the excess skin, the expense of healthy food, the expense of new clothes)-however those things can all be dealt with. I love the new me and wouldn't change it for the world. Although the excess skin is a huge deal to me... I'm a very image cautious person. Even when I was bigger I always dressed nice and made sure my appearance was on point. So now that I'm "thinner" the skin bothers me. However I have to realize 1.) I cant get skin removed till I lose all that I want, and keep it off for a while to be sure... 2.) It IS fixable. 

My doctor also asked that I make a poster (before and after) for her to show in the office (Nina! I may need your help with this!), which now has me digging through all my "fat" pics, so here's a few for you all! 

And here's a current pic:

None of my weight loss would be possible without the amazing support from my family, friends, and my wonderful doctor who truly is invested. I couldn't be more blessed and more appreciative. I just hope you all know and that I really do Thank you enough.

Oh-and if my doctor didn't fill my head enough for the day-I came home and was wearing only my leggings and black cami (mind you-all very body hugging clothes!) and my room mate says "Damn, I wish I had your self control and dedication. Your really getting skinny." 

 

Just when I'm feeling like its hard-I always get the motivation I need to keep on. God has changed my life in every aspect during the past 2 years and took some people out and brought some people in. And no doubt he put the people who I needed.

 

• Tam (thanks for the doctor recommendation!)
• My church family
• My adopted family
• New friends
• My gym family (Yes, Paul-that means you!)
• Family

 

 My doctor also being one of them. Couldn't love her more or be more appreciative of her :-) 

Thank you Dr. J! (its not just 1% you-its a whole lot more!)

Current weight: 236 (102 pounds lost)

Over night trip

The fam and I went on a little overnight trip Friday-Saturday. I was super excited but scared at the same time. Scared I'd relapse. The last time I relapsed and I mean RELAPSED to where I gained 30 pounds, was last summer when I had went on vacation. It was very hard to eat healthy and that one weekend vacation lead to a whole downward spiral of bad eating for several months.

So this year naturally, I was scared. We went to an amusement/water park. What the heck was I going to eat? We didn't have a stove/oven or anything to cook. There sure as heck isn't any healthy food in an amusement park... And they wonder why Americans are sooo obese. The only foods they had were corn dogs, fries, chicken tenders, hot dogs, and sugary drinks. So I did my best in packing healthy snacks. I hard boiled some eggs, brought carrots, natural applesauce, apples, bananas, some strawberries/blueberries, and a cucumber. Mind you a lot of it was gone by the time we got there! Its very hard to eat healthy/natural foods while on vacation. I was able to find a salad at the water park. I made a few mistakes-but when there is honestly NOTHING healthy and your hungry. I really had no choice. Nothing too crazy and still kept great thought behind whatever I did eat that wasn't part of my primal lifestyle. I'm a little disappointed but nothing too bad where I'm going to feel guilty. I seriously did the best I could do with the situation. 

However, I felt great in my bathing suit-which was good because it was 103 out, and I'll be darned if I was about to wear clothes! Overall we had fun at the water park and got great tans in the process :-)

I'm 100% back on track tomorrow with my primal eating!

Best 4th of July EVER!

Its been a little while since my last post. Been busy with work and the summer-also turned another year older! 

The past couple of weeks I've been VERY discouraged. I've been stuck at 99 pounds for about 3 weeks. I've been eating great. Doing everything my doctor and trainer have been telling me to do. And nothing... Scale hasn't moved! Seriously? 1 pound away from losing 100 and I'm stuck at 99. Unbelievable. Every Saturday I get on the scale and it reads 239 (99 pounds lost). ALL I want to get to is 238! 

Today I decided to weigh in... This was either going to really discourage me or keep me going.

Well, it read:

237!!!!!

Not only did I reach 100 pounds, I beat it by 1!!! I'm not done, but to get over that 100 mark felt great! 

I don't know why, but when I'm doing EVERYTHING I possibly know right, to lose this weight and I get stuck at a weight for a while. It doesn't motivate me to try harder... It pisses me off, so I'm like "obviously eating right isn't working might as well have a rice crispy treat (fill in your fav snack food) or cereal or..." well you get the point... Then I beat myself up about it. 

I feel great finally getting over 100 and am excited for the next 40-53ish to finally be at my goal weight!!! 

On a side note: I'm going on a mini vacation for a couple days and PRAYING I can find ways to eat healthy. Its very challenging while away from home to keep healthy. Other than the food issue, I'm excited to get a away! I'll let you know how it goes.

All in all-Today has been the best forth of July EVER!

Motivation

Its been a while since I've gone to the gym alone to get a workout in. I'm usually with a group of friends or in a group class. I went tonight-by myself. I forgot what good therapy it is. I was 100% focused, got to clear my mind. No phone. Just Me, the machine, and my Ipod. While on the elliptical the song "I've been changed" by William McDowell came on:

This song made me realize how much God truly has changed me. The way I think, the way I look at things, the way I handle things. In the past 2 years that I've had a solid relationship with him. He has changed my entire life. And sweating my butt off on the elliptical, legs burning... This song made my workout even more worth it. I pushed myself harder just when I wanted to give up. The burning in my legs was nothing compared to how motivated I felt! My weight loss has a lot (everything) to do with God. I could have NOT done it without him. This song pushed me and was my motivation for the rest of my workout. And clearly-I'm still inspired. I was nearly in tears working out. Its moments like that, that make you Thank Him, instead of asking for something. 

Needless to say. I had a great workout. Did 2 miles plus on the elliptical and did weights targeting different zones. 

I truly do owe God everything. He's always been there-even when I didn't know :-)

Oh-and this new gym bag helps get me motivated!!!!

Birthday Month!

There was a time where I went out to eat several times a week. I was also a member of every club or gimmick they had going on at each restaurant. Most places give you a free meal, appetizer or dessert during your birthday month. I would always look forward to the beginning of June because that's when all the emails would start flooding in with the "free" coupons. I MADE SURE that I used them all. I LOVED eating out. And trust me-it was NEVER anything healthy. It was normally chicken tenders and fries or a hamburger and fries... At Red Robin-it was multiple baskets of fries. Everything was also loaded with Ketchup. I'd get an appetizer AND a meal AND usually a dessert-oh, and lets not forget the Pop.

That was the old Vitty...

New Vitty: Isn't a member of any restaurant club. Can't even really eat at a restaurant, and even when I do and try to stay healthy. I end up sick because they add this and that, its not organic/natural, my body isn't used to it! Some days I look back and think "Dang, I could really go for [real] food". But honestly, I wouldn't go back. After learning how certain things (foods) affect your body. I should honestly be either dead right now or have major health problems. I have NOTHING. Other than being overweight, I am 100% healthy! Although eating healthy is a TON of work, way expensive and involves planning. I wouldn't go back to the "Old Vitty" habits.

I'll be 24 next week and ALMOST 100 (98 to be exact, unless I can pull off 2 more pounds in a week) pounds lighter! There is no greater gift than that!

Here's to a healthy Birthday Month!

Paul's Zumba

Thursday nights are known at lifetime as "Paul's Zumba". Paul may also be one of my biggest blog fans too :-) (Thanks Paul!)

  Paul's class is not like your ordinary class of Zumba, seeing as though Paul's Zumba is mostly hip hop. Well, Paul has decided to take a break from it making today his last Thursday night :-( This has caused me to go into a mild depression (only kidding-kinda ;-)) His class was so popular people would line up 45 minutes to an hour before class started to make sure they got into class-and most weeks he was telling people "Sorry, class is full!" If that's not enough to tell you how awesome his class was, I'm not sure what is!

I get the best work out in his class without it feeling like "I'm working out".

Zumba has been a huge part of my weight loss-and will continue to be. BUT be assured there is no Zumba like Paul's! Zumba has been a confidence booster for myself and I've met a ton of great friends and people. 

Thank you for everything Paul!!! And don't forget to.....

"WORK IT!!!" 

 (Dont mind the way I look-this is post workout!)

Off-week

I'm normally excited to work out, go to the gym, etc. Not this week! For what ever reason-this week, I have no enthusiasm to work out. 

Monday-got to the gym, sat in my car for about 10 minutes, walked into the gym, stood around and talked with some trainers for about 30 minutes. Walked into Zumba, did about 25 minutes (not pushing myself at all!), move to machines-do about 3 leg curl things-I'm done! I wasted about an hour at the gym. I just wasn't motivated, it wasn't working. 

Tuesday-did an hour of Zumba, didn't push myself.

I do feel like crap when I just cant find the motivation when at the gym. I also have a hard time telling myself "It's okay to give yourself a night off" without feeling guilty. On those un-motivated days its like a lose-lose. I either go to the gym and feel crappy about it because I didn't push myself, or don't go at all and feel crappy because I simply didn't go. It gets tiring when I work full time, try to go to the gym every week night (except Wednesdays which is church nights). I feel like I'm never home. AND I cook all my meals, its hard to fit everything in. Worth it? Yes, I'm sure. Just gets old and tiring sometimes. (Not complaining-just saying its not always easy!)

When I slack or don't go to the gym I am extra aware of what I am putting into my body on those days/weeks...

Not sure of my intent in this posting, just sort of putting my thoughts out there :-) And I know I'm not the only one with struggles with this. Sometimes we just have those "off" weeks. I'll get my "groove" back!

People have been asking what I eat exactly-so my weekly shopping list is coming soon!!

Primal

I had text-ed my doctor one day asking her what I was doing wrong because it had been a couple weeks where I had been at the same weight and was getting discouraged. She told me to read a book called "Primal Blueprint". Now, I trust her 100% and know she has my best interest. BUT I'm not a reader. I've started MANY books, and never end them. I just don't like to read! But I know if she's telling me to read this-there must be a reason... So I order it on amazon.com. I'm interested in it, just not looking forward to the reading aspect of it all! I then start to do a little research on what it is. So I get the definition of primal and it reads:

"first; original; primeval: primal eras before the appearance of life on earth." I google the book and get some reviews on it, seems interesting. I'm learning that the book is about eating like the primal  people (caveman-ish people)?!?! I'm not sooo sure about this! 

I get the book in the mail and open it up just to read a few things from it, check it out, etc. One of the first pages compares Conventional Wisdom vs. The Primal Blueprint. Very interesting and very valid points on the Primal views. I don't have much time to read at that moment, but now, I'm getting interested. 

The book from the get go is saying no grains-NONE! I'm thinking, there's no wayyy I can do this. Does my Doctor seriously eat primal?!?! The answer is YES!

I read part of the 1st chapter-and its very interesting, however, I'm not sure I can live this way. I know I've changed a lot, but going primal? Not sure its my thing... 

The book sat for a week or two and again I text my doctor asking what I'm doing wrong and give her a break down or what I'm eating. She says nothing, I'm doing perfect... However, I still pick at things I'm not suppose to, still eating some carbs (brown rice, chipotle (sodium) carbs (natural chips, etc...). Since I'm not losing how I want I decide no carbs for 2 weeks along with no fruit, except berries and an apple after 3 pm. I also decide to jump back into the book. Not sure what happened this time around, but I got a huge liking to the idea of primal eating (no grains, sugars or legumes.) It was interesting to read how food effects what happens in the body, to your insulin and blood glucose. I instantly became addicted to this book and what it was teaching me! It broke everything down!

I got rid all my grains, sugars and legumes-I had brown rice, black beans and corn in the house. There aren't too many changes I have to make to my eating lifestyle, but there are still changes that are definitely challenges. NO grains at all! I'm already down two pounds though since starting :-) So we'll see how this goes! There is obviously a lot more to living a primal lifestyle, and I'm not done with the book yet-so I'm still learning :-)

 My primal skills were put to the test when we had a birthday party this weekend! Its very hard to be surrounded by hamburgers and hot dogs, cake and ice cream. Luckily they had a lot of fruit and veggies which I ate! After about 5 hours of a hamburger staring at me. I caved. Hamburger isn't bad according to the primal lifestyle-however they prefer organic. And I, on my own have cut out red meat, and do only organic meats. But I ate the hamburger anyway (no bun, only mustard). It was good for the 60 seconds it took me to eat it, until I got sick from it. My body has gotten so used to organic white meats (Chicken, turkey, ground turkey) that when I stray away from that, I tend to not feel well :-( Other than the 1 hamburger, I feel great about what I ate :-)

The book is on amazon.com (Primal Blueprint) if any of you are interested. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Push

It's no secret that Zumba is my main form of workout. I was in Zumba tonight and went to the same instructors class that I had when I first did Zumba. For whatever reason as I was doing ZumbaZumba experience. Let me tell you-It was one of the hardest things I had ever done physically! I modified EVERYTHING so that I could today I was thinking about my very first half keep up. I was ALWAYS in the back of the class. Dying, sweating to death (while modifying everything!) Legs were burning, like burning burning where I'd have to stop for a minute to get feeling back!

Today-I'm in the front of the class (I HATE when I cant see myself in the mirror!). I go on stage. I still modify, however the modify I do now, is to get a more intense workout and find ways to make me sweat more!, I've met a TON of awesome new people/friends, and have fun while working out. Its cool to look back and see how far I've come. I'm not perfect still-and its still hard and challenging, but that's what makes it fun! There is honestly no better feeling than leaving the gym in sweat! I get a high from it!

(I do get guest passes, so if anyone would like to join sometime, let me know-I'd love to have you!)

Challenge yourself

I've repeatedly told myself "I can't". And honestly, I'm still guilty of saying the words "I can't". One of the biggest lessons I've learned is I CAN. My posture may not look like the person next to me, I may not be able to do it as long as the next person, or as many reps. But none the less, I've been able to do it. My biggest excuse was and still is "I can't do that! I'm too fat to do that." One of the best feelings is proving myself wrong. When you challenge yourself you realize just how strong you are. Physically or Mentally. So I challenge YOU to challenge yourself, in ANY area of your life. 

I never thought I could/would...

• Go to the Gym
• Be in the front of the class at Gym
• Go on Stage
• Get through 10 minutes on the stair climber
• Run
• Do certain workouts
• Change my eating habits
• And MANY MANY more....

I've conquered ALL of these. 

My challenge for the next 2 weeks is:

• No carbs
• No Chipotle (Sodium)
• No fruit after 3PM except berries and AN apple if NEEDED.  

I've been tested with ALL of these already (and I'm only 2 days in!)-It's NOT easy-but that's what is so rewarding!

Pick something and stick with it. It doesn't need to be 2 weeks, but start somewhere. Prove to YOURSELF that you CAN do it :-)

The Dr.

I don't have health insurance, so it had been some time since I've been to the doctor. YEARS, except for Urgent Care when I was super sick.


Well, September came around and I was getting sick. Missed about a week of work (I NEVER miss work), had very little money, and no insurance. Tam used to work in a Dr.'s office and suggested we give it try, she says they'll see me and shes sure they'll work some sort of payment out for me. I'm desperate, so we all load in the car and make the trip (its in Auburn Hills which is 30-45 minutes from me, depending on traffic.) I look like absolute crap, I've been sick and in bed for literally a week. I get called back and see Dr. S, he takes 2 seconds and immediately says I have strep throat. I get some meds and now Tam wants to introduce me to people. LOL-Like I'm in any condition to meet people! Nice to meet you, here's strep throat! She points out different people, points out another Dr... yada yada yada... We get in the car and she informs me that they saw me for free (which was a total blessing), and she promised them I'd make an appointment for a physical. She had been bugging me to get a physical as I hadn't been to the doctors in years, which is easier said than done when you don't have any insurance. She also suggests I see the woman Dr. I didn't meet her but Tam had pointed her out to me. And there was noooo way I was going to her.


Let me give you a little back story. I HATE doctors. Every time I would go to the doctor whether it was for a check up or because I was sick. The doctor would simply say "Your overweight" or "Your fat". Great-I already know I'm fat, but can you help me out with my sickness? I even had one doctor refuse to treat me because I was so "fat". So you can clearly see why I hate doctors.




So Tam is steadily pushing me to call and make an appointment with Dr. J (the woman Dr.) This woman is 1-a thin woman, and 2-very pretty... I, being fat and ugly, was NOT going to go to the woman Dr. and so I procrastinated making the appointment, for about a month. Tam is trying to convince me that shes the best at what she does, she's funny, shes sweet... And in my eyes, a Dr. cant be any of those things, I don't like Dr.'s and now she wants me to see this woman?! She's crazy. So what does she do... makes the appointment for me-How nice of her right? ha!




My appointment is Nov. 2nd, which was still about a month away. I go get blood work done ahead of time so it can be discussed at the appointment. This physical is also going to cost anywhere from 100.00-150.00, with a minimum of 50.00 the day of. So I'd also been saving up as well.




Nov. 2nd comes. I had an AM appointment so I could just get this out of the way. I'm NOT looking forward to this and totally "scared". The doctor is just going to tell me I'm fat, I need to lose more weight, and that's it... Good times. And the 45 minute drive isn't helping! I know I've gained weight because I'd fallen from my diet, just not sure how much weight, so that's nerve wrecking on top of having to go see this thin, beautiful doctor.


I get to the office, sign in and wait, which felt like forever but in reality was about 5 minutes. The girl calls me back to get height and weight. I step on the scale... And want to cry.




296...






The last time I weighed myself I was in the 260's. This meant I had gained anywhere from 30-40 pounds and I was 4 pounds away from being back in the 300's-which I vowed to never be again. I was devastated, and to top it off, still had to see the doctor. Great.




I'm now waiting for the Doctor, and totally nervous. She walks in and I'm prepared for the worst. This woman was gonna tear me apart!




I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE FURTHER OFF FROM THE TRUTH.




This woman was amazing. Funny, sweet,  and kind. Weight got brought up, obviously... I told her I had lost, fell off, gained... the whole story. She didn't judge me at all! She was SOOO encouraging. She had believed in me. I had all the tools to lose weight-I had already lost a decent amount, but wasn't staying disciplined. It was all up to me to start losing the weight again, and she believed I could do it. She also said the words "Nothing tastes as good, as being thin feels." Which to this day, have stayed imprinted in my brain, and basically become my motto for life.




All my blood work came back and Okay, and I was healthy-so now, I just have to get back on the train and start losing. I couldn't allow myself to get back to 300. I was almost on the brink of tears the whole time I was in the Doctors.




The Doctor and I talked a little while longer, and Tam was right-this woman is absolutely the most amazing Doctor/person ever. I love her! She totally changed my mind about how I felt about Doctors (sort of-I'm pretty convinced I dislike all doctors except her, but I've become partial!) She even hugged me before leaving, which Doctor does that?!




Now its time to leave, I get to the counter. The lady then proceeds to say "It'll be 25.00 for today." Now, I brought 50.00 with me because when I had called previously they said 50.00 at time of visit and I'd be billed for the rest. So I give her 50.00 anyways and just tell her to apply it to my bill. She says "No hunny, the total is 25.00." Because of Tam and her previously working there, and the office knowing my no insurance situation, they totally helped me out. And only charge me 25.00 each time I go. So-an amazing Doctor and an amazing office?!




I'm still on the brink of tears, because I cant believe I've allowed myself to gain that much weight. I get in my car, and tears started instantly. I sat in the parking lot for probably about 30-45 minutes after my appointment. I called Tam (who at this point, still doesn't know I had been eating fast food again.) I called her crying and completely confessed everything that had been going on for months. Scared shes going to be mad or disappointed or something! She was sooo supportive, told me she understood. And was 100% on board with me and would help me with EVERYTHING. I told her how much I loved the doctor, and she of course laughed-because I usually doubt Tam, and then when it happens-I Thank her!




That day, I got back on track! We started hitting the gym again, I was VERY determined to lose this weight!




Since Nov. 2nd, I have lost 54 pounds, bringing my total weight lose to 96 pounds from my original 338 pound self. I'm still not perfect and have my off days. I've had fast food ONCE, and pizza a couple of times (which was portioned to a slice or two-that's it!) And I still mess up from time to time...




I'm completely blessed with an amazing support team, and Doctor. She's one of my biggest cheer leaders. She puts up with all my crazy text messages about food questions,  or if I'm having a bad discipline day/week-she hears about it! She always puts me back in perspective and is always sooo motivating and encouraging. I can now say I actually LOOK FORWARD to going to the Doctors. People say all the time "You drive 45 minutes to the doctors, get a different doctor!" HELL NO! I love my Doctor and the relationship I've been able to build with her. I WOULD NOT have gone this far if it wasn't for her. And could never Thank her enough for all she has done for me. She has single handedly changed my life. There is no way to repay that.

Addiction

I fell off the wagon...

I WAS doing sooo good. So what would one meal from Wendy's hurt? I'll just get a chicken sandwich and fries with a water... Eh, make that TWO chicken sandwiches, fries and water. Nothing will happen, and plus I've been so disciplined. I'll eat right tomorrow and be back on track...

WRONG...

I take an inch and want a mile. I take 1 meal and make it months of meals... I ate some sort of fast food  it a couple time a week for approximately 2 months. . (Unless I happened to go to the gym that day). Whether it be Wendy's, KFC (the two main ones), Burger King, or my Dairy Queen stop (I'm a sucker for soft serve). Now, because I had been eating so good. Every time I ate fast food, it would literally make me sick. I would feel like crap, all the time. But I still ate it. Everyday I would feel GUILTY and beat myself up for it. But I still ate it. This time around, I KNEW it wasn't good for me! I was destroying myself. No one forcing it down my throat-except me. I've worked way too hard for this, what am I doing? All these are thoughts that would go through my head WHILE eating. And still, I continued to eat it.

I would roll up to a fast food place on my lunch, eat in the car, and drive back to work an hour later. Next plan? How do I get rid of my evidence. Tam cant find out, and I work for her parents-so I cant throw it away at work. Best plan, throw it away at a gas station on the way to her house. No one will ever know. 

Not sure what happened but after the 2 months of getting off track. I found the track again and was "decent" for the next couple months... Until, I fell off again, and summer was here this time, which meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, junk, you name it, I ate it. Tam would eventually cut me off after so much junk, but what she didn't know was-I was eating fast food-when I wasn't around her. ALMOST daily now. As if the summer food wasn't bad enough. EVERYDAY I was mad at myself, EVERYDAY I felt like complete crap, both about what I was eating-and how it made me feel, I felt GUILTY EVERYDAY, but kept eating it, telling myself "I'll start again tomorrow". I felt sneaky because I couldn't let anyone know. It was like my "Secret" and I hated myself for it. But at the same time it was like a high. The thrill of having to "plot" it out. I had to have time to drive to the fast food, the thrill eating it, the thrill of having to find somewhere to dispose of it, and the thrill of having to hide it. Now, not all these thrills made me feel good. In fact, none did, they all made me feel like crap. But I still did it. Soon realizing, I was in serious trouble.

I was ADDICTED to food. I never knew "food addiction" actually existed. I knew about drug and alcohol addiction but FOOD addiction, seriously? I did some research on it, and realizing I had an eating disorder- "Food Addiction" and was too embarrassed to tell anyone.  I was mad at myself, scared of going back to being fat, but not knowing how to control it. 

So, I did what I was used to, and turned to food... I added Tim Horton's Ice Capps to my daily routine. This is how my day looked.

Ice Capp on the way to work.

Go home for lunch so I can cook healthy.

Ice Capp on the way back to work.

Fast food for dinner.

The same high drug and alcohol addicts get, was the same high I was getting, only from food. I cant tell anyone, because I feel like a complete idiot already. How embarrassing.

I would try to tell myself that God says my body is suppose to be my Holy Temple, I have to take care of it. I would pray about it, endlessly-nothing was working. I would lay in bed at night and cry and just beat myself up. But I just couldn't stop, I couldn't get enough.

I could start to see a weight change, clearly, I was gaining, but "nothing too bad" I thought. I kind of disowned the gym-it was summer, I was busy-so I wasn't making time to fit in the gym. Throw that into eating like crap, and its not gonna work out too good.

I'm the type of person who cant have just 1 bite. I take one bite, you better believe I'm going for the whole thing, and more probably. Once I start, I cant stop. Since I screwed up lunch, might as well screw up dinner too, right? Why not? "I'll start again tomorrow-one more meal wont hurt."

My food addiction problem was becoming serious...

And then one day changed it all...